I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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