im six kinds of drunk right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
