I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
