her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
