I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I supernannyed him into submission
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
