I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
