How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God, I missed his penis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
