due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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