i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
