I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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