omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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