dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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