You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
