Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
