You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
