dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
