I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize