on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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