This is not my ceiling
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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