I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
