In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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