my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
