he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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