OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize