Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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