the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
