I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
