Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
