I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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