i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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