Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
