He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
