i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize