It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
