How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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