Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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