life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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