Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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