She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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