Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
