but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
