Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
