well I can't set my house on fire every night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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