I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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