I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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