Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
