she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
