im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
