You can't motorboat a personality
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize