I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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