well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am one with the molecules
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
