My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
