WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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