She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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