burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
