Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
