I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is her dick bigger than yours?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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