we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
