i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize