I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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