Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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