How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize