she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
