Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
