i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Never joke about your clitoris.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize