it was like his penis was on wheels.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
