He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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