Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
