I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize