i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish you could order shots online.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
