If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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