dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
