suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
