Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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