What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
