Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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