i just wanna soil my oats bro
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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