I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
