At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
