I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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