Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope mine doesn't look like that
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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