So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think my moral compass just broke
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
