i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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