apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
