drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
